“Excuse me,” Noah Haynes said, staring at his new acquaintance levelly. “I think I’ve misunderstood you. Did you just say you’re chucking me into Hell?”
“Yes,” Death replied, avoiding his gaze. “A hell. Part of a hell. One of the upper levels of a hell. It’s not the death sentence it seems. I’ve seen beings come out of worse places.”
“Oh, well that’s different then,” Haynes retorted angrily. “As long as its one of the nicer hells. I’m sure it’s lovely this time of year. I don’t suppose you’ll be coming with me on this one, Virgil?”
“Virgil?” Death looked puzzled. “Oh. Right. Dante. I’m sorry. This isn’t my fault. I wish I could help you. But you must be tested. There are rules for this sort of thing.”
“What sort of thing is that?” Haynes demanded. “I still don’t know what you people want from me.”
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you anything else. You will understand in time. For now, please trust me.”
“So I’m supposed to march into Hell,” Haynes growled “Fight who knows how many demons, and then accomplish whatever else your bosses come up with while I’m down there, all for the privilege of doing a job I never applied for and don’t even know the most basic information about. Is that what you’re telling me?”
“I’m sorry,” Death replied despondently. “There’s nothing I can do.”
Noah’s face softened.
She feels wretched about this, you bastard. Do you have to make it worse for her?
“No, I’m sorry,” he relented. “I know this isn’t your fault. You’re just a convenient target for my frustration.”
“Let’s not dwell on unpleasantness,” Death smiled weakly. “Your life is going to be difficult enough for the next few days without worrying about my feelings. Now, let us be on with it.
“I’m going to send you to another plane in a few moments. It doesn’t matter what it’s called. It’s not mythos based. It’s just one of the sinkholes of nastiness that pop up in the Aether. Once there, you will have to survive. That’s all. You don’t have to conquer it. You don’t have to take a castle, or hold a ridge, or retrieve an artifact. You can hide in a cave for the entire time and never have to face a single devil.”
“Do you think that would work?” Noah asked hopefully.
“It never has before. We’ve lost some very promising candidates that way.”
“As promising as me?” Noah replied with a smile.
“Several. None of them were as irritating, if that’s any consolation,” Death returned the smile. “I have one last thing to give you. A gift to help you on your way.”
“You said you weren’t allowed to help me.”
“The rules allow me certain liberties. I can’t give you any item that would help you directly,” she explained, “but this shouldn’t cause anyone to complain too loudly.”
She produced a small satchel, a canvas hunting bag, and handed it to Haynes.
“It’s not much, but-
“Thank you,” Noah interrupted. “These pants don’t have any pockets, and I hate not being able to carry gear with me. You never know when something might come in handy.”
Death set her shoulders. “It is time. To delay further risks more than you can imagine.”
With a gesture, she called forth the blue-white scythe and slashed another hole in reality. It was an ugly red scar against the grassy hills of paradise.
“Step forward, candidate, and face your labor,” she commanded, suddenly all business.
“Yeah. Don’t wish me luck. Not like I’m walking into almost certain doom, or anything,” Haynes retorted. He stepped through the gate, wondering what was on the other side and how it would try to kill him.
The portal closed, and Death cast a melancholy gaze upon where it had been.
“Take care, Noah Haynes.”
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